How to Date... to Create Desire, In and Out of the Bedroom
Psst.. this also helps with performance anxiety!
This isn’t going to be a typical blog about techniques that you can do to "get her and bed her."
This talk is simply about communication.
Communication + connection = foreplay.
And foreplay = S$X
I’m going to break down the benefits of the various ways we communicate.
When done in balance, a woman will have a “communication orgasm,” and you didn’t even get her into the bedroom yet!
When these steps are done consistently, you will give her a “multi communication orgasm,” and you will have a female on your hands who will want to become your lover, girlfriend, or life partner.
There are many ways in which we communicate, such as texting, voice memo, a phone call, and the most rare form… actually seeing each other in-person.
I will show you how to take the communication deeper by adding in a tantric touch, and incorporating the five senses.
I will be sharing what each form of communication does for a feminine-oriented woman.
Keep in mind that whether you are just looking for a hook-up, or something deeper, the same steps apply.
Your desired outcome will depend on your consistency.
Consistency is key because it builds trust.
One big factor to consider is time. As a general rule, if you don’t have time to make a genuine effort, then you’ll get that reflected back to you.
You wouldn’t expect to receive the benefits package from your career without putting in the work, so don’t expect that dating a woman would be any different.
Let’s start with texting, use text to create momentum.
When a woman has not met you in person yet, texts are just words on a screen.
However, once she gets to know you, if you give good text, she will crave it.
Texting keeps the spark alive.
It’s like receiving little energy bubbles throughout the day.
It makes the woman smile because she knows that you are thinking of her.
It also shows continued interest.
Texting is easy but a phone call requires some amount of courage.
A phone call strengthens the connection and deepens communication.
A man's voice is his own unique vibrational signature.
And women do like things that vibrate, do they not?
Women can feel into the silence between words, we can feel your presence or lack of it.
Talking goes straight into our ear and arouses the brain.
Women are voice activated.
We are turned on by what we hear.
Have you ever noticed that women are turned off by dick pics?
Just in case you didn’t get the memo: dick pics turn women off.
When you communicate to us visually, you are trying to turn us on in your own language.
We don’t speak sight, but you do.
Men are sight activated.
Turn us on in the language of sound with the gift of your voice, and I guarantee that you will get more of what YOU want.
I would like to add that voice memo is a nice hybrid of texting and talking, and should not be overlooked.
It doesn’t replace a real conversation, but it still is more powerful than a text.
If the conversation flows on a phone call, then the next step is to make a plan to see each other.
Putting a date and time on the calendar builds female desire.
You have now made her a priority and she is excited.
A plan creates “good tension" inside of a woman's body because...
Women feel into the future.
Our bodies are ruled by clocks... we are time.
We look forward to and prepare to see you.
Life gets a little brighter and time speeds up.
By now you’ve given her momentum, voice activation, and a plan to feel into. She is purring like a kitten.
At the In-person date she is sitting across from you heart to heart, eye to eye… sensing the signals of your non-verbal communication.
Maybe you touch the small of her back to guide her to the table, give her a close hug, or touch her hand during the meal.
Her nervous system is reading your touch, giving her feedback as to how you feel.
Your touch may feel exciting, comforting, or even repelling.
She’s watching your facial expressions to see how you respond to her.
She is hoping that you find her attractive and would love for you to tell her if you do (remember to voice activate.)
She’s aware of your scent that may linger on her from the hug, or an entree being delivered.
She enjoys savoring a meal or a kiss.
She’s paying attention to how you put yourself together for the date.
She wants to know what’s next.
She hopes you will say, “When can I see you again?”
If you do, her heart quickens. Another plan is like orgasmic waves rolling throughout her body and tickling her brain.
Maybe you want to continue this date now somewhere else, or make a future plan.
Take the lead.
Communication imbalances to be aware of :
Too much texting that is out of balance with a phone conversation mutes connection.
Texting and talking without planning dampens desire.
In-person time spent without engaging all of the senses is a missed opportunity for deeper pleasure.
All of this is foreplay.
These simple communication steps keep a woman open to you; it keeps ALL of her open to you.
Her time, her heart, and her legs.
When a man initiates with integrity and direction, he is in his penetrative power.
When a woman meets a man in his power, she relaxes and opens to him.
The more relaxed she is, the more she can experience and connect to her own pleasure.
When she is ripe with pleasure, she will naturally give it to you, and receive it from you.
Communication with consistency builds connection.
Sex without connection is a performance.
Men are naturally goal oriented, so it’s understandable that the end result of “How to Date… to Create Desire IN and OUT of the bedroom" will lead to your sexual performance.
If you are not making the effort to connect with a woman before trying to get her into bed, this imbalance places a lot of pressure on you to perform, which can cause performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety can, and often does, cause erectile dysfunction.
Erectile dysfunction on a first date will rarely lead to a second date.
She will think you are not attracted to her.
You will be embarrassed.
So I propose to you that “connection” is a powerful antidote to performance anxiety.
These thoughts and teachings that I share are coming from two perspectives:
1) As a Holistic Sex Coach who specializes in helping men overcome erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety (without using pills).
2) As a woman who is out there dating.
If you are having performance anxiety related problems and want help, then connect with me at: